Let me just get something out on the table right now: I hate change and I suck at accepting it. Just to be clear, I don't mean that I struggle with the uncertainty change brings. Let me give you an example: I switched multivitamins once and didn't take them for 2 weeks because I just couldn't handle it. What does this have to do with being a mama? If you have any children, you know the answer to that: everything, duh.
Motherhood is a real moving target. Especially as infants, children develop and grow rapidly - we're talking a new skill set every week or so for the first year of life. Go back and read that again, y'all. I mean, holy shitballs, that is ridiculous. Imagine if you learned a new, life-changingly complex skill every week. I could be Superman by now. Just to put that into perspective for you. If you learned and grew as fast as a baby, there would be comic books about you. Also, you'd be fucking huuuge, but that's beside the point.
Also, you'd have to eat really often to sustain that kind of growth. I'd make it my personal mission to avenge the deaths of my people during the Irish potato famine by dedicating each meal to one of the fallen many. With great power comes great responsibility, people.
Moving on. So, what worked with Carrie last week might not necessarily work this week. And it's not just her place on the developmental spectrum that's dictating this. Everything from what she's looking at to whether or not she's feeling well impact her ability to cope with the crazy shit I'm throwing at her. We'll get into a routine that I can really get behind and a couple of weeks later, everything goes to absolute shit right before my eyes and the end of the night finds me on the bathroom floor with a bag of chocolates and twitch around the eyes.
I like to think that this is great practice, and I'm getting better at dealing with change. But then something happens, like my mom gets us a play yard, and I'm thrown back into this spiral of frustration and self-doubt. It's really challenging, but I really do feel like I'm learning to cope with this kind of emotional upheaval. Then again, I'm staring at this pack and play with hate in my eyes, so I'm probably not there yet.
Snort-fest. Right Now. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine how crazy it must be to handle the kind of rapid change that comes with having a baby. The most common phrase I hear about it is the "oh, they just grow up so fast," which just can't capture the whole gauntlet of issues and emotions you face when it comes to Carrie's growth rate. I think you did a great job laying this side of it out for us.
ReplyDeleteWanted to say thank you for commenting about my daughter's dedication ceremony. I have debated removing my blog because it's a painful read for me, but knowing that others still find it and find something out of it helps me decide to leave it alone for now.
ReplyDeleteI can't tell you on this forum fully what's happened. But my blended family has been torn apart now, and these pictures in particular are a hard view, the words a difficult read.
Congratulations on becoming a mother. Enjoy every moment. It's the one thing I feel now that was worth everything else.
Zen