- The term is "noise pollution," and it doesn't really cover this. But total A+ for effort, really.
- My 4-month old actually isn't on facebook, can't read, and doesn't understand language at all. So I'm pretty sure her virgin psyche is intact. Except for that part where she's scarred for life from my throwing her into bed.
- What the fuck, lady?
Me - "One of the ads on my profile is for Mederma for stretch marks. Fuck you, facebook."
Sister - "Heyyyy, language. You're a mom now!"
Me - "Right. Cause moms don't ever use curse words. Or poop. Or get angry. Or have sex. Basically they're just less human than everyone else."
I really shouldn't have made that last comment, but I just couldn't help myself. In what crazy universe does pushing a child out of your uterus occasion a mandatory change in your behavior? I mean, here are some key points in my defense:
- I'm not cussing out loud in front of your children.
- I'm actually a pretty rocking mom.
- My child is happy and healthy and way smart for her age (the pediatrician says that; it's not just me pulling a Glenn Beck and making shit up.)
I'm not saying I don't judge. I do, even just a little bit. I heard about a woman who got a new piercing while she was pregnant. That's pretty messed up, in my book, because of the risk of infection and the compromised state of the pregnant woman's immune system. Drinking heavily or doing drugs while your child is in your care or there is not a sober adult to tend the child? I wouldn't do it, that's pretty wrong to me. But, seriously you guys, all I did was say "fuck." I mean, really? So here's today's lesson, brought to you by "Free to Be You and Me": parents are people.
We curse. We shout. We have tattoos and piercings, among other things. We like hard rock (and so do our kids). We feel things: anger and joy and hope and fear and passion. We wear the clothes we like, and sometimes very little clothing at all (gasp!). We have sex, and we make out and we want to feel attractive. We love our kids, but we aren't defined by them. We have lives outside of diapers and bottles, chicken nuggets and bedtime stories.
And it's not your fucking place to tell us we can't do these things, so back off.